Stopping Treatment

I have put off writing this post.
Last Monday we had the telehealth visit with Dr. Matous, the Denver myeloma specialist who has been treating Doug for almost 13 years.
This time Dr. M said the cancer has gotten more aggressive and much more serious. He said "Nothing will be straightforward from now on."
We knew the cancer markers have been going up more than ever before. But we expected him to pull another rabbit from his hat like he has done so many times. Not this time.

He laid out options, none of them good. There is a new drug approved by the FDA but it causes uncontrollable nausea that he said he would not use until it is "tweaked".
Doug would be eligible for one clinical trial - it is in phase 1, which means research is trying to figure out what dose is safe for humans.
If Doug goes on a trial, we would have to stay in Denver for weeks or months, to be followed up closely.  Cart-T cell treatments are still in trial for myeloma and Doug does not qualify.
None of the options offers a cure, just maybe a little extra time and with side effects. Dr. M said even if something worked, the results would not last long. He was very honest with us.

Doug and I have talked about stopping treatment someday. I told him I would support him whatever he decided to do, or not do.  But we didn't know this was the day.
Dr. M asked Doug "What is your goal now?" Doug said "To live without pain."  Dr. M asked him if this means he wants to stop treatment. Doug said "Yes". Dr. M said "I don't blame you".
Doug decided to put quality of life ahead of quantity. Dr. M assured Doug that with modern medicines any pain could be well controlled. Wise man that he is, he advised us to ask our local oncologist to arrange for us to meet the hospice team. That was unexpected but actually good advice.
We were emotional after all this.

We will have one more telehealth meeting with Dr. M on July 6, so he can answer any questions we may have. He highly recommended that we get the book "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande. Doug and I are both reading it. We found it online at the library. It was also made into a PBS Frontline TV show in 2015. It is on YouTube.

We have always known that multiple myeloma is not curable. But up to now there have been many new drugs developed, so our journey was one of remission, relapse, try a new drug, hope for another remission. Doug has had a few good remissions - the longest one lasted 18 months. During remissions we had some 'normal' times when we could almost forget cancer. The worst time was when Doug was in ICU on a ventilator right after his stem cell transplant.
 Up and down - a roller coaster.

During this journey our faith in God has been growing. He is so faithful and always ready to listen. We have been blessed and God has drawn us ever closer to Him. We can't always see things from His perspective. All this time God has surrounded us with praying friends who have been such a comfort to us.

Doug has battled this cancer for almost 13 years and he is ready to rest now. His body is worn out. I think, as the chemo drugs work out of his body, that he will have more energy and feel better for a while.

More later.

Here are partial lyrics from the hymn My Lighthouse:

In my wrestling and in my doubts
In my failures You won't walk out
Your great love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea.

In the silence, You won't let go
In the questions, Your truth will hold
You are the peace in my troubled sea.

I won't fear what tomorrow brings
With each morning I'll rise and sing
My God's love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea.