Another fall; Confined to bed

Things have gone downhill quickly. August 23 Doug fell in the bathroom at 4:30 am. He was using the walker. I called hospice and they sent out a nurse but I also called the squad to come pick him off the floor. He bumped his head so has lacerations but nothing serious there. His left hip has a huge bruise and is sore. 

The EMT guys are good with hospice - they understand they are just to help hospice patients off the floor and not transport to hospital. 

Doug is full time in a hospital bed now. We have it in the living room so I can watch him. No more transfers to wheelchair. He has no strength in legs and is a major risk for another fall. 

Doug is not handling his confinement to the bed well. He does not remember the fall, so he doesn’t understand why he can’t get out of bed. I tell him it’s because his legs can’t hold him up now. Then he wants me to put him in the wheelchair and take him to the commode - but that isn’t allowed because he would need to stand for the transfer to the chair. He can’t bear weight or he would fall again. He is really rattled. 

He HATES having to use the diaper! I don’t blame him. He throws a leg over the bed rail and says he’s going to walk. He gets very agitated. I have to be right beside him to tell him no, we can’t. He gets mad. He still has enough strength that he could climb out of bed, but he would fall immediately. 

Sometimes I fib and say “wait until the nurse gets here”. Or if he’s really really upset, I have to give him Haldol to calm him. This is ordered by hospice. 

I feel so bad being the bad guy. 

This is not the Doug I know but I still love him. 

This is not death with dignity, when your wife has to change your diapers. And he gets so frustrated and doesn’t remember why. Poor guy. Guess I’m not handling it well either. 

Today Doug was much calmer. The nurse came and he told her he was going to walk. She said that's not very likely but possible. So Doug and I will do some simple leg exercises while he’s in bed. We can hold out hope and do something positive. 

Today Doug was able to joke a little about the diapers: When he was wet, he called out to me “Cleanup in aisle nine.” When it was the other, he said “Cleanup in the basement.” So we are able to joke a little - attitude is everything. Much better - Doesn’t change the situation but sure helps a lot. 

I’m going to get a paid private caregiver to help me, probably for nights so I can sleep. Tomorrow I will interview a retired nurse who is recommended. I also have several other names of caregivers that friends have used. I won’t have 24/7 help but even a few hours would be good. 

There is also an option of using respite care, paid by Medicare. It is limited to five days/nights in a Medicare approved facility. But I need long term help at home. I'm exhausted. 

I’m glad our son and daughter in law were able to spend time with us just before this.

Our dog Nikko spends most of his time laying on the bed as close as he can get to Doug. He loves his daddy. He jumps up by himself. Our other dog Pippa spends her time on her own bed. She's also too little to get up on the bed. 

This is very hard. A lot of people are offering help in different ways. Many thanks for each of you. 

Love to all.

We know from Jesus' life that there's purpose to our pain. God doesn't waste anything, including suffering. He doesn't always remove us from trials, because He plans to use them.

Even if God's plans for our lives aren't what we hoped for, learning to trust God is part of His good plan.

Megan Fate Marshman, Encouragement for Today

Weaker now

 Over the last ten days we have seen changes. Doug has lost strength in his legs. He can't go up or down steps, even using the walker. We found that out when we were at our neighbors, on their deck. He would have fallen if our neighbor hadn't been right there to help him. 

He is able to get around the house with the walker, so that is good. A good friend from church brought over two kinds of wheelchairs to loan us. One is a lightweight 'transport chair' and the other is a regular type. And we now have a ramp down into the garage, so we have a way for him to get outside. Our church is loaning us the ramp - aluminum and not too steep. Two friends delivered and installed it for us. Our son and daughter in law had already come and helped me clean out part of the garage to make room for the ramp. 

 I wanted to try going for a 'stroll' in the neighborhood a couple days ago, so Doug humored me and got into the regular wheelchair. I backed him down the ramp and away we went. Our street has a slight slope to it; we don't even notice when walking or driving. But pushing a wheelchair is different. We felt every rock and incline. We didn't get as far as I intended. I was concerned that maybe I wouldn't be able to push him all the way up the ramp. He asked me to walk to the mailbox (not far away) while he waited in the garage. When I got back - less than two minutes later - the wheelchair was empty and Doug was gone! He had walked up the ramp using the walker! Smart man - he said it wasn't hard and he was careful. I was so relieved to find him in the house and no harm done. Now I need to practice pushing the chair up the ramp with some weight in it. I'm not as strong as I thought! Our neighbor says he will come over if I wimp out going up the ramp.

Doug has maintained his usual good attitude. He is amazing. We have amazing friends too. Some have brought food - and beautiful homemade bread. A few days ago a friend who is a professional violinist called and asked if she could come over and play for us. Of course! She had it all worked out - she was on the patio - Doug and I were on the deck. And a few neighbors came over and sat in lawn chairs to enjoy the music. All with social distancing and masks.  Noelle played a few hymns, some classical and some bluegrass. She played for a whole hour and even took requests. What a wonderful time it was! 

 We had a mystery gift too - yesterday when I walked out the front door I discovered a gorgeous display of art on the sidewalk - not chalk but an inscribed rock surrounded with marbles arranged just so. Each marble has a rose painted on it. The rock says "God's Love is surrounding you!" It is a sweet encouragement. I finally found out who did it, after everyone claimed to know nothing. A dear friend who is an artist, and her daughter. We didn't hear a thing, not even the dogs. 

Doug has been eating well and is maintaining his weight. He is having ongoing trouble with his eyes; he does listen to audiobooks. He never complains. The hospice nurse comes once a week. 

God is giving us the grace to live one day at a time. 

I'm closing with the words on a card from friends:

"Five things God wants You to Remember in Trying Times - You're never, ever alone. Nothing takes Him by surprise. When you're weak, He is strong. He's the God of new beginnings. His love never gives up on us."

Blessed with friends

Nothing dramatic has happened lately, and that's good. We are not bored. We have plenty of routine things to do. 

We have seen signs of God’s love in small ways:  

• cinnamon rolls left on our porch, 
• an elderly neighbor bringing us flowers and a sweet card,
• friends calling to see how they can help or just to say “hi”. 
• Friends stopping by to show us their new dog. Our dog Nikko was sure it was an intruder and sounded the alarm rudely. 
• Muffins and soup brought to us by a friend. 
• Books to read. In Doug’s case audiobooks from the library. 
• The rain we have had lately! I didn’t have to water, and the plants enjoyed the rain. 
• Friends bringing fresh veggies from their garden. 
• We have a volunteer blue spruce coming up. This is its third year. The first year I almost pulled it up but then decided to wait and watch to see if it would survive. Looks like it will grow up. 
• Our Pastor Tom and his visits and prayers.

We appreciate everyone. God has blessed us so richly with friends. 

I have been able to leave the house to go grocery shopping, walk the dogs and enjoy the sunshine. Doug is able to get in the car by going out the front door, but he says he’s not interested in going anywhere. I know that can be a sign of depression, and he is taking an antidepressant. But he is content to stay home. He’s not having much pain at all, just the intestinal issues. He sleeps later and takes a nap after lunch. 

Hospice has been active - one week we had four hospice visits. Nurse, chaplain, social worker, and an aide who just dropped off an item. The dogs are sure that everyone is coming just to see them! Three out of four hospice workers we’ve met so far are dog lovers. At one visit the chaplain spent most of her time petting Nikko. Maybe good for both of them. 

Thanks to hospice, we now have a toilet seat with arms that makes it easier to get up. Very helpful. 

Doug has been using the walker a bit less. He still gets dizzy if he bends over or gets out of bed too fast but he’s careful. 

Doug has, for a long time, been showing me things I will need to know how to do. 

A couple days ago I changed the lightbulb in the shower. I had to use the stepladder. Not my favorite thing to do but it went okay. Next time I use the ladder maybe I will go beyond two rungs, ha ha. 

Love to all. 

This is from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:

“Hope is a golden cord connecting you to heaven. This cord helps you hold your head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting you. I never leave your side, and I never let go of your hand. But without the cord of hope, your head may slump and your feet may shuffle as you journey uphill with Me. Hope lifts your perspective from your weary feet to the glorious view you can see from the high road. 

You are reminded that the road we’re traveling together is ultimately a highway to heaven. When you consider this radiant destination, the roughness or smoothness of the road becomes much less significant. I am training you to hold in your heart a dual focus: My continual presence and the hope of heaven.”