Another fall; Confined to bed

Things have gone downhill quickly. August 23 Doug fell in the bathroom at 4:30 am. He was using the walker. I called hospice and they sent out a nurse but I also called the squad to come pick him off the floor. He bumped his head so has lacerations but nothing serious there. His left hip has a huge bruise and is sore. 

The EMT guys are good with hospice - they understand they are just to help hospice patients off the floor and not transport to hospital. 

Doug is full time in a hospital bed now. We have it in the living room so I can watch him. No more transfers to wheelchair. He has no strength in legs and is a major risk for another fall. 

Doug is not handling his confinement to the bed well. He does not remember the fall, so he doesn’t understand why he can’t get out of bed. I tell him it’s because his legs can’t hold him up now. Then he wants me to put him in the wheelchair and take him to the commode - but that isn’t allowed because he would need to stand for the transfer to the chair. He can’t bear weight or he would fall again. He is really rattled. 

He HATES having to use the diaper! I don’t blame him. He throws a leg over the bed rail and says he’s going to walk. He gets very agitated. I have to be right beside him to tell him no, we can’t. He gets mad. He still has enough strength that he could climb out of bed, but he would fall immediately. 

Sometimes I fib and say “wait until the nurse gets here”. Or if he’s really really upset, I have to give him Haldol to calm him. This is ordered by hospice. 

I feel so bad being the bad guy. 

This is not the Doug I know but I still love him. 

This is not death with dignity, when your wife has to change your diapers. And he gets so frustrated and doesn’t remember why. Poor guy. Guess I’m not handling it well either. 

Today Doug was much calmer. The nurse came and he told her he was going to walk. She said that's not very likely but possible. So Doug and I will do some simple leg exercises while he’s in bed. We can hold out hope and do something positive. 

Today Doug was able to joke a little about the diapers: When he was wet, he called out to me “Cleanup in aisle nine.” When it was the other, he said “Cleanup in the basement.” So we are able to joke a little - attitude is everything. Much better - Doesn’t change the situation but sure helps a lot. 

I’m going to get a paid private caregiver to help me, probably for nights so I can sleep. Tomorrow I will interview a retired nurse who is recommended. I also have several other names of caregivers that friends have used. I won’t have 24/7 help but even a few hours would be good. 

There is also an option of using respite care, paid by Medicare. It is limited to five days/nights in a Medicare approved facility. But I need long term help at home. I'm exhausted. 

I’m glad our son and daughter in law were able to spend time with us just before this.

Our dog Nikko spends most of his time laying on the bed as close as he can get to Doug. He loves his daddy. He jumps up by himself. Our other dog Pippa spends her time on her own bed. She's also too little to get up on the bed. 

This is very hard. A lot of people are offering help in different ways. Many thanks for each of you. 

Love to all.

We know from Jesus' life that there's purpose to our pain. God doesn't waste anything, including suffering. He doesn't always remove us from trials, because He plans to use them.

Even if God's plans for our lives aren't what we hoped for, learning to trust God is part of His good plan.

Megan Fate Marshman, Encouragement for Today